does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
