Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
