goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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