I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
