i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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