I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
