Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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