Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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