Got a toothbrush?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
