I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My vagina is very pro this idea
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
