Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
