drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
