oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My bed smells like the plague
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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