This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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