come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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