I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
