he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
