he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
