i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
