she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dear god my vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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