i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
