I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
