some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do herpes really smell.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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