I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
