what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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