piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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