I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
