i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize