She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
