The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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