I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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