her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize