The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I could make wine with my vomit
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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