I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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