yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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