I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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