youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
