He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you inspire me to be a worse person
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize