Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I faked an abortion last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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