If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
