She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
