So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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