my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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