I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
