I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
