third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
