I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
