There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love you. Go after that dick
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