Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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