I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm bleeding and have questions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
