yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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