i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
