if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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