Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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