How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
