everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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