i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
