eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
