My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
