So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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