I think my vagina is haunted
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
