and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
