Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
