Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
