Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
