I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
