Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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