i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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