I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize