Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
