sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
