also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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