if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
only if we run a train.
done.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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