we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
