I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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