Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize