dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
