his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
