I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im part way to drunk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize