Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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