im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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