Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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