i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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