I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
