Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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