Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
