is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
