I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
