Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
A bitchslap is in order.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
