The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
