New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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