Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
