just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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