my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
