Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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