is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
