The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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