remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
