apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize