so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
