Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
