Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
