Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
